Be the Witness, Not the Victim

This week is part 2 in a series on Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul.

Today, we explore a simple strategy to keep our cool, even in the most trying moments…

Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

🎯 The Idea In a Nutshell:

• Life pushes our buttons.

• We default to closing down: anger, defensiveness, frustration.

• Singer argues we can learn to navigate these moments with equanimity.

• The key is a tiny window of opportunity between the trigger and our reaction.

• We must shift quickly into witnessing the emotion instead of letting it take over.

• The quicker we do this, the less likely we are to get swept away.

📝 Diving Deeper

You know the feeling. Your wife makes a comment that touches a raw spot.
Your kid pulls the same annoying crap you’ve asked them countless times not to do.
A customer hurls an unfounded complaint at you.

In an instant, your chest tightens. Emotions boil over. You’re angry. Indignant. Defensive. It’s an understandable reaction. And for most of us, it’s the default. So automatic that we rarely stop to question it.

But there is a different way. It is possible to react with equanimity in even the most trying situations.

The key is awareness. If we tune in closely enough, we’ll see a tiny gap that opens momentarily between the disturbing event and our reaction to it. This gap is our chance to step back. To gain perspective. To choose a different path forward.

Unfortunately, this opportunity comes and goes in the blink of an eye. And if we miss it, things unravel fast. The emotional disturbance pulls at our minds like a magnet. Before we know it, we’re locked in a feedback loop. Negative feelings fueling negative thoughts, fueling more negative feelings, and so on… until we’ve lost all hope of a clear and rational response.

Rewind.

It didn’t have to go down this way.

Freedom comes when we seize that momentary opportunity to shift to what Singer calls “witness consciousness.” When we learn to say, “I am noticing anger,” instead of “I am angry.” That might sound like an abstract and meaningless distinction. In truth, it’s anything but.

In the latter, the emotion has taken you hostage. You’ve become a victim.

In the former, you have agency. Instead of being swept away by the emotion, you can examine it with a sense of non-judgmental curiosity:

• Why am I so triggered?

• What is this anger rooted in?

• What would it look like to respond differently?

Singer calls this staying open. It’s not about pushing the feeling away. It’s about learning to stay centered in the midst of it. The quicker we can learn to be the calm in the eye of the storm, the quicker the negative energy dissipates.

👉 Why it matters:

• Countless therapeutic practices are rooted in this idea of awareness.

• It’s a skill that anyone can cultivate.

• And for my money, it’s hard to find a better bang for your buck when it comes to catalyzing growth.

• There’s an adage that says, “You can’t read the label when you’re inside the jar.”

• Taking the seat of the “witness,” as Singer calls it, unlocks a level of clarity and perspective that simply isn’t possible if you’re constantly being yanked around by your emotions.

🤔 Prompts for Reflection

• Consider a recent time when your emotions got the best of you. Really examine it. Go beyond the surface-level impressions.

• What would it have looked like to simply let the initial disturbance pass instead of getting swept away in it?

• Can you find 10 minutes this week to cultivate more awareness through journaling or meditation?

Make today impactful.
~Jason