What Will They Say When You're Gone?

In today’s edition, we continue our exploration of Arthur C. Brooks' book, From Strength to Strength, unpacking a counter-intuitive idea that can help us get clear on the things that really matter…

🎯 The Idea In a Nutshell:

• As ambitious men, it's natural to chase professional accomplishments.

• Brooks calls this the pursuit of “resumé virtues”.

• While resumé virtues are important in driving our success, we can easily become blinded by our own ambition.

• Brooks urges us to balance our professional drive by cultivating what he calls “eulogy virtues”. 

• Eulogy virtues are the things we want people to remember us for when we’re gone.

• This framing can help us to build deeper relationships, to value shared experiences over material gains, and to live with a greater sense of connection and purpose.

📝 Diving Deeper

Imagine this: You’re sitting in the back of a large room full of friends, family, and colleagues. The air is thick with emotion. There’s a memorial service being held. Someone you love, perhaps your son, daughter, or wife, is standing at the lectern. Tears flow down their cheeks as they struggle to get the words out. They’re sharing stories of a life that has sadly come to an end. And that life is yours. Your time on earth is over. The eulogy being given is for you.

What will they say?

Will they talk about the dollars in your bank account? Your expensive watches? Your fancy sports car? Will they share stories of how hard you grinded at work? How you climbed the corporate ladder? How many successful exits you had?

Perhaps they will. But is this what you want them to say?

What price did you pay for those accomplishments? How many soccer games or dance recitals did you miss? Did you let the health of your marriage wither? How much time did you spend with your face buried in your phone or laptop instead of being fully present?

Was your pursuit of professional success worth it? What would you do if you could do it all over? Would you go on a few more walks together? Take your kids fishing more? Spend more afternoons playing outside? Go on more dates with your wife?

As we juggle the demands of career and family, it's easy to focus on résumé virtues. They often come with a sense of urgency and are relatively straightforward to build. But remember: No one goes to their grave saying “I wish I would have worked more.”

Eulogy virtues require a more deliberate and purposeful approach. They demand that we protect our time, reflect, plan, and hold ourselves accountable.

Try this: Once a month, spend an hour zooming out and taking stock. Are you living in accordance with these virtues? Are you nurturing the relationships that matter most? Are you creating meaningful experiences with your loved ones? Are you striving to become a better, more well-rounded version of yourself?

These are the questions that will guide you toward a more fulfilling life, and the kind of legacy you actually want to leave behind.

👉 Why it matters:

• Reflecting on our Eulogy Virtues reminds us that life is short; this framing ensures that we bring more balance to our lives.

• Cultivating Eulogy Virtues is a healthy counterbalance to the gravity of chasing professional accomplishment.

• This framing motivates us to pursue the things that will matter most when our time is up.

🤔 Prompts for Reflection

• How can you better balance the pursuit of professional success with the cultivation of Eulogy Virtues?

• What is one thing you can do this week to strengthen a relationship?

• What flaws in your character do you want to address before your time is up? What are you doing about this?

• In what ways can you create lasting memories with your family and friends?

Make today impactful,
~Jason